just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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