R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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