I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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