Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
