If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just had sex on a roof
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
