can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
it was like eating out sand paper
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
