i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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