Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
