i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
