you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well I just put wine in my tea
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
