YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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