I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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