I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
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