why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
