if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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