After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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