i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
