I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
