I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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