So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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