I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
