theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
