I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
