i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
