i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
