my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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