Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
