all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
