I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
