Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
