guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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