i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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