oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
