she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
