So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
