Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
