the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
