There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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