i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
