Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
