why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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