I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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