I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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