Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
