yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
