Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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