I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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