before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize