there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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