I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
