Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
