It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
