I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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