i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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