my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
