Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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