i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
