First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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