It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
