Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
