Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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