Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
