Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
