six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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