i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
