My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
