Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
