Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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