i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
