Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
