I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
