Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
