i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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