i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
