Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
