See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
