Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
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Shitshow foam night was such a success
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
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i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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