Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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