That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
