this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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